I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
why is half of my head shaved?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
