then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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