Tell her she can't have a vagina
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
