Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
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