We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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