I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
