Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
