yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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