ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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