You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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