hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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