i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
