Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I think I sprained my soul last night
This baby is an asshole
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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