Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
