hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
