Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
