i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
