So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
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What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
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He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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