When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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