Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
