I hate your face
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
