Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
