problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
