He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
