It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
