If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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