"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
