Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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