i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
