She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
