You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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