Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
