Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
