you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
