Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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