I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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