Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.