I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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