Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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