Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do