Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
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What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle