So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
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stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.