he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
