sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.