oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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