I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?