At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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