Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
