You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
