WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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