He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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