So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
