Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
