I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
