if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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