then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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