at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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