It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
