he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
