So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
