There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
