you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
