guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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