Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
