I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
