What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
