You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
