Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
