Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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