your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
