Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
