New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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