when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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