I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize