my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
