yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
