Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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