wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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