So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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