so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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