Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
as a side note pls kill me
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
