you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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