He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
